it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
