so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
