U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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