Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
