Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
