Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
