Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
