I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
