Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
