thus making me awesome and them whores
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
