He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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