we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
