Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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