Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
