how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
