My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
