I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
