i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
This house was built for laser tag.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize