The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
