Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
