You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
