I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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