So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
