Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Only a mothe r could love this liver
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
