I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
