R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I want to make a zoo with you.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize