i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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