it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
