Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
