3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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