Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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