'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
