Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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