I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I can't turn off my feet"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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