Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
