Cold hands, warm shart.
She is in my trunk
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
