My friends, they love my intelligence
Ketchup is God's man juice
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
