Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
