It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
