We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
