My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
