What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
