Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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