i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
