I will die if light touches me.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
