The maid of honor just puked.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I intend to get homeless drunk
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
