remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
