so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
