He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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