Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
