My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize