i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
