shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize