Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
