chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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