I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
