That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
