i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
