so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
