I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
