I skipped work to stalk him.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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