At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
