I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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