i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
