just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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