i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
