No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
