My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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