when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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