I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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