You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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