Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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