I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
