I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
